so long and good luck

•June 14, 2011 • 1 Comment

A former colleague is in town for a conference or something and stopped by work today to have lunch with someone on my team but didn’t say hi to me.  I thought, “Oh, maybe he didn’t have time.”  And then I found out that, at some point in the past couple of months, he removed me from his Facebook friends, and he seems to have blocked me on chat.  I don’t know why.  It bothers me.

But it’s him, not me.  I can say that because he didn’t even have the chutzpah to say, “I only pretended to like the cut of your jib, so really we aren’t even acquaintances” or “my girl is jealous of women I used to know on a casual level.”  So fine.  Whatever.  Go out to lunch with my coworker.  Say hi to the people in IT who never remembered what your actual name was.  (And I would correct them about it behind your back, “There’s no ‘s’ at the end. Really.”)

But I’ll never forget that you took me to try my first bowl of pho, and that you were the one who finally convinced me raw fish really was safe to eat, and that you write fucking fantastic poetry and will be more of a writer than I ever will be.  I never once had a crush on you, but I counted you among my good friends.  Of that number, I have few.

…life fucking sucks sometimes.

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in some circles, it’s called grace

•May 28, 2011 • Leave a Comment

There are two sides to personal change: enacting it upon oneself and allowing it to happen in another person.  People can and do change every day, and those transformations turn into habits most easily if the person has people who support and encourage the changes.  The most common example is someone who tries to add the daily discipline of exercise to their life.  The first week or so, a person might find themselves capable of transforming themselves into a fitness freak and become hyper health conscious.  Maintaining this, however, in the beginning, is extremely difficult without the support of someone who has already established an exercise routine as a habit.  If the person who has the discipline comes alongside the one who has the desire but perhaps not the fully strengthened will yet, it is much more likely that the newly transformed person will turn into an effective exercising individual and will be able to establish habits on his own eventually.

Without the support, most newly transformed people lose their way.  Doubters of the transformation are the worst enemies of anyone trying to make a change.  If we fix a person in our mind at a certain point in their existence and refuse to see them beyond that point, effectively freezing them in time, to our own eyes, no action that person commits could ever seem of a different motive or intent.  For example, in pre-transformation, a person might have treated someone wrongly through word or deed.  Post-transformation, the person is treating that someone differently, but if people refuse to see that he is doing so, to the Doubters, he will always be in “pre-transformation” state to them, no matter what he does.  This can destroy the newly-formed confidence of the person trying to make difficult changes, and it makes the person highly vulnerable to never completing his metamorphosis.  When a person commits to changing his mind and life, we have a duty to allow him to change as much as he has the responsibility to do the changing.

In other words, you’re doing it right, Brian.  I love you.

no manners in the city

•May 8, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Scene: tiny basement laundry of large apartment building; there are 3 washers and 3 dryers.

College boy [points to the three dryers; the one on the right is in use; my green laundry basket rests on the middle one; the dryer on the left is available, its door hanging open]: “Are you going to use all of those?”

Me: “No, just the middle one.  That would be kinda rude, yeah?”  [small laugh]

College boy:  [makes a noncommittal “hmm” and proceeds to empty out two of the three washers, adds some to the dryer running on the right and loads up the empty one on the left; leaves laundry room]

Me: …

sky falls, you feel like / it’s a beautiful day / don’t let it get away

•May 8, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Yesterday was my second hike via Meetup.com, and I joined four other hikers from the Appalachian Mountain Club (Delaware Valley Chapter) to hike the Border Trail of the Trexler Nature Preserve in Schnecksville, PA.  I’ve uploaded all of my photos to my Flickr account, but here are a few favorites.  Yesterday was a glorious day for hiking.  (All photos were taken with my iPhone 4.)

Hobbit Country

Hobbit Country

A Piece of Sky

A Piece of Sky

Down down down

Down down down

Hikers

Left to right: Brent, Linda (with her dog Holly), Morgan, and Me. Photo taken by co-lead, Phil.

packing lunch

•May 4, 2011 • 1 Comment

Every four years or so, my inner eight-year-old fights through my subconscious, very adamantly stamps her feet, and demands a bologna and American cheese sandwich.  

“No,” I say, “It’s processed meat!  That’s bad for me.”

“Bologna.  American cheese,” she replies, “on WONDER bread.”

“What?!  I’m not buying a whole loaf–”

“WONDER bread.”

I usually give in.  So if I show up to work next week with what appears to be an eight-year-old’s lunch, I swear I didn’t steal it from some kid at a street corner while she was waiting for her school bus.

ladies’ dinner

•May 3, 2011 • 1 Comment

Bunch of Booze + Bunch of women who can cook
= Ladies’ Dinner (or, early Cinco de Mayo dinner)

But when Carrie’s internet connection fizzled and we lost Pandora, OH NOEZ. Taylor tried to manually renew the DHCP lease. Keilee and I thought, Well just unplug the ethernet cable from the wireless router and plug it into the laptop but nooooo it’s a VERIZON FiOS cable so no ethernet cable available. Hilarity. (There was a joke about how many new media consultants does it take to fix an internet connection…) Katie and Suzy tried turning off the router (because we remembered the lesson learned from everyone going crazy at work trying to fix the stress tests, and after 4 days of trying everything from rewriting code to taking crash dumps of the data, and all they had to do was restart the servers…haha). That didn’t work either. Somehow, after we all left, Carrie got it working again…with magic, I’m sure.

It’s good to relax with friends and eat delicious food and chatter about work and boys and life as girls will do.

Ladies' Dinner (photo by Carrie)

my theme song

•May 2, 2011 • Leave a Comment

King of Anything
by Sara Bareilles

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by
You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset
I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?
Let me hold your crown, babe…

Lyrics found on DirectLyrics.com